So, this week I have been thinking about honeymoon periods. I am amazed at how, having knowledge that they exist with every relationship, I can see them for what they are while in them and look forward to getting through and over them so as to see what the relationship will really be like. And sometimes those honeymoons come back, especially with one’s spouse (thankfully).
I think back to a little over a year ago when I reunited with my birth father (poppa). There was an instant connection. I have never had this connection with my birth mother. I am greatful for her decision to give me life and place me for adoption, I know that it was the most heartwrenching decision of her life, but I just don’t feel connected. But with poppa, we just clicked. And those first few months were quite a honeymoon period. If I hadn’t read up about adoption reunions I and my family would have thought there was something seriously and disturbingly wrong with me. The emotions were absolutely CRAZY!!!!There was a desire to be close, the fear that I wasn’t loved, or the fear that I would yet again be “abandoned” (yes, I wasn’t “abandoned” in the sense that society thinks of abandonment), I’d call every day and panic if poppa didn’t answer. I felt jealousy of the time he’s spent with his other children, the little things that were missed throughout the years. He felt the same heartbreak for missing those moments too. But then, and I don’t know where it happened, things began to flow into a non-crazy relationship and reality returned. After having lunch with him this past weekend, it hit me that that is the comfortable relationship I was hoping we’d reach post-honeymoon period. There was no craze about it, it was a continual flow of a relationship that is always learning and growing.
I think of the honeymoon phase of reacquainting myself with friends of the past. There is this obsession about trying to catch up, trying to see the world as they do, trying to discover their interests and incorporate some of them into your own life so as to maintain a connection. It’s these honeymoon periods that have caused me to have an “eclectic” interest in many things from music, to movies, to museums, to you name it. Maybe my experience is unique (they say that adoptees are quite the chameleons) but I like to think that it isn’t. Yes, the honeymoon period is awesome and exhausting.
With mis amores, the same thing, a honeymoon period. Obviously with hubby there was a honeymoon period or else we would not be married. But it was the post-honeymoon period that the beauty of who he is came out. Yes, the exciting fun times are and were great, but it’s in the challenges, and the routine of daily life where the true beauty can be and is found. It’s in the talking about politics or laundry or the lawn. It’s in the family walk after dinner. My hubby has some many great qualities and a few that are annoying, but it is a combination of all those qualities that make me love him, that I thank God for him. Even during the darker moments of our relationship, those moments we’ve hurt each other, the hurt was out of fear of losing the one we love and not responding in the right manner. And last weekend we turned a corner, there was a disagreement, some hurtful things were said, but instead of escalating them into a louder discussion (we don’t yell, but talk at a normal level more intensely) we cooled down, and for some reason, the right words came to my mouth for the first time. The discussion ended beautifully and we once again entered a small honeymoon period.
Then there’s the honeymoon period with each child. Chimina, Riggs, and the Leach all have had different honeymoons with me. Each have there own song that came with the honeymoon.
Chimina’s:
Mommy loves you, yes she does. Mommy loves you, yes she does. Oh I love you, you’re outta sight, I have loved you every day and night. Mommy loves you, yes she does. mommy loves you, yes she does. Oh I love you, oh I do. To you my heart will be forever true. (I make up verses after that).
Riggs’s:
Who is my little boy? Who is my little joy? Who is my little boy? (then son’s name twice) I love you little boy. I love you little joy. I love you little boy. (then son’s name twice)
the Leach’s:
(first and middle name), I love you so, (first name), my (first name), my (first name and then middle name).
Yes, the songs do seem to get shorter with each child, but the honeymoon that inspires them lasts. And just when things get into the “normal” range, one of them says or does something that reignites a mini-honeymoon in my heart. Then again, this, I think, is the same for all parents.
foryoumisamores 